"No matter where I punch on his legs I hit testicles!" -- Eoj
"I thought you said you weren't playing the druggie." -- Luna "I'm avoiding it like the plague. The drug plague." -- Eoj "Damn those cocaine mosquitoes!" -- Doug
"It says Monday on the inside of his underwear." -- Luna "And it's Friday. It says Monday on the inside of his underwear, and it's Iron Kingdoms. They don't exist." -- Fox
"I'm a major in monsters." -- Eoj "Extraordinary zoology." -- Luna "With a minor in kickass." -- Fox
"If you go any further that way you'll run into deep swamp." -- Ken "Where there's Deep Swampies. *southern accent* ...Why?" -- Luna
"Doug, what's Chinese and good?" -- Ken, looking at a menu "Me, baby." -- Doug
"I wrote down Chaotic Mutual." -- Eoj "As long as we're all in agreeance." -- Ken
"'Hi, we're here for BDSM awareness month.' 'We're aware. Go away.'" -- Eoj
"Oh man, I can't get dragged away and raped by trolls today; I have a date!" -- Luna
"I thought you were in the math club." -- Paul (Doug) "I'm the newest addition." -- Piero (Eoj)
"Debating whether he wants to go back to the way he was or if he's happy how he is. Aw, fuck it." -- Doug, pondering Paul's former life of crime
"Santa got an erection." -- Eoj
"Someone fill the piñata with Menoth's Fury." -- Kirk
"Boots and hat later..." -- Doug "Is that a time span?" -- Fox
"He looks in the mirror a week later and sees a Telgesh rune tramp stamp tattoo. Apparently that's Telgesh for Little Princess." -- Kirk
"You're the ones who want a chaataa." -- Paul (Doug), with a Boston accent "Charter! Charter! I'll kill you under contract!" -- Kirk
"Hey, Kirk, feel the warm sensation of my balls on the back of your throat." -- Eoj
"You're looking at eight feet, four inches of pure Ogrun warmachine." -- Gorgol (Kirk) "I would've thought you were at least eight-foot six." -- NPC "You sell yourself short." -- Rally (Luna)
"Our friendship is not based on sauces, Joey." -- Fox
"See that bird? *shoots into the air* I didn't. *bird falls to ground*" -- Deus (Fox)
"My gun's jammed. *looks down gun barrel* This bong's funny-shaped." -- Eoj
"I shot the paladin. But I did not shoot the cleric." -- Ken
"You raped 20 babies." -- Eoj "Dude, the knight limit is 25. You can rape like 4 more without committing a crime." -- Kirk
"Toda, bring the booster seat. Sorry, the 'Gobber Throne'." -- NPC
"It's not Swampie. It's cockney!" -- Paul (Doug) "What's a cockney?" -- Rally (Luna) "The part that connects the chicken to its body." -- Paul (Doug)
"You look at the disintegrated hat powder under the microscope. The molecules just look like small hats." -- Kirk
"I'm so angry I'm gonna poop blood." -- Deus (Fox)
"We need to get that corpse out of the house. He's been there for a tenday." -- Rally (Luna) "Fuck that, he's my stabbin' Chev." -- Deus (Fox)
"Common, motherfucker, do you speak it?" -- Fox "Yeah!" -- Doug "What does Coleman Stryker look like?" -- Fox "Huh?" -- Fox "Say, 'huh' again! Say it again! I fucking dare you! I double dare you! What does Coleman Stryker look like?" -- Fox "Pale, Caspian..." -- Kirk "Spiky red hair?" -- Doug "Does he look like a bitch?" -- Fox "No!" -- Doug "Then why you trying to fuck him like a bitch?" -- Luna
"Why are the Ryn doing the monkey?" -- Luna
"Gargle my sack." -- Doug "Hey, don't be takin' the white man's words!" -- Eoj "You are not the white man. You are a white man." -- Luna
"Things that didn't exist before but exist now in the Iron Kingdoms. Sewer llamas." -- Fox
"He's very cordial for someone I just kicked in the mouth." -- Gorgol (Kirk)
"You suck dick." -- Fox "I may, sir." -- Eoj
"Mud for the mud god." -- Luna
"It only takes 8 lbs of pressure to crush a human skull... from the inside." -- Kirk
"I'm pretty good." -- Piero (Eoj) "Nothing about you is pretty or good." -- Rally (Luna)
"*sung sort of to the Batman theme* Na na na na na na na na tripping Joe, missing Joe, you can go..." -- Ken
"BOOMER SOONER BARBEQUE!" -- Eoj
"Oh man, Ray of Enfooble-dooble!" -- Luna
"They might have enough to make a magelock rifle." -- Gorgol (Kirk) "...I'm sorry, I just felt the adult version of getting a pony for your birthday." -- Rally (Luna) "Two hookers an and eight-ball?" -- Gorgol (Kirk)
"I had to know how to stay on the left side of the road to not get hit by a truck while simultaneously hitting a giraffe with a shotgun." -- Kirk, on Road Rash
"Prostate machine gun." -- Doug "That sounds like either a very awesome or very bad sex toy." -- Luna "It shoots prostates?" -- Doug "I figure it pounds your prostate really hard and fast." -- Luna "I believe that's already invented. It's called Joe." -- Kirk "Wait, which one? Kriel or Carnes?" -- Luna "Pick your flavour, honey." -- Kirk
"*flexes* Have you seen these? These are a war crime to use, alright?" -- Gorgol (Kirk) "Gorgol, keep those things holstered!" -- Rally (Luna) "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll rape your sister!" -- Gorgol (Kirk)
"Damn IKEA and your suicide furniture." -- Doug
"Can I make a strength check to get a strong idea?" -- Kirk
"I taste divinity!" -- Gorgol (Kirk) "What's that taste like?" -- Rally (Luna) "You know that old church smell? Like that, like licking a pew." -- Gorgol (Kirk) "I was hoping for 'licking a priest.'" -- Paul (Doug) "I'm Dhunian. We do that all the time." -- Gorgol (Kirk)
*Rally reads an inscription on an ancient sword* "'Suffer not a thief to life.' Don't touch the sword, guys." -- Rally (Luna) "Pretty sneaky, sword!" -- Piero (Eoj)
"If it wants to date Hitler, let it date Hitler!" -- Doug
"'ow tha' 'ell did you-- Fuck you, I'm inna bubble." -- Paul (Doug)
"It's worth 11,000 crowns." -- Ken "*clutches chest* Hnnnnnnnnggggh!" -- Doug "I'm comin' for you, Piero! I'm comin'!" -- Kirk "Not over here!" -- Doug
"He took a bite of rape-rape fruit." -- Ken
"Damn existential couch." -- Fox
"My cock is huge." -- Deus (Fox) "Bitches call it the Green Mile." -- Rally (Luna) "Because they know they'll see God at the end." -- Paul (Doug)
"*sings Also Sprach Zarathustra*" -- Doug "*drops pants" -- Ken "My God, it's full of dick." -- Fox
"Follow the guy being chased by the ghost." -- Rally (Luna) "We're following Pacman!" -- Doug "You finally figured out my Pacman Murders!" -- Ken
Get out of here, Zombie Troll Vin Diesel!" -- Eoj
"Luna's laughing way too hard at this." -- Ken "I love jug bands!" -- Luna
"This is a slinky. *waves arm*" -- Fox
"I am the prophet of Peter Venkman." -- Kirk
"You've been milking the tatzylworm?!" -- Ken
"Yeah, nice one, Joe Carnes. *self high five*" -- Eoj
"Shit was so coins." -- Ken
"I wanna see how much murder went on here. That way I can Rhulic them down on the price." -- Gorgol (Kirk)
"We're having what's called 'Rally's Rebels' Kicking Immoren's Ass Tour, 619AR.'" -- Gorgol (Kirk)
"Okay, time for character descriptions." -- Ken "Shh, I'm drawing Booster Gold." -- Luna
"Strewn throughout, and by that, I mean two..." -- Ken
"You ever see a worm try to ram into something? We call that sex." -- Kirk
"Sorscha Kratikoff." -- Rally (Luna) "She does not wear underwear on the battlefield." -- Computer (NPC) "She wears a live bear." -- Eoj
*silence...* "*Russian accent* I require more competition." -- Eoj
"Deus, poke my tatzylworm a few times." -- Lanae (Eoj) "Slap mah worm, boy!" -- Fox
"Aah, I'm allergic to tree nuts!" -- Kirk "I'm allergic to truck nuts." -- Ken
"Why does your penis hurt?" -- Ken "I don't know!" -- Eoj "Kirk, what did you give him?" -- Ken
"Blorp! It spits out a big one." -- Ken
"I can bodge an adding machine powered by the nuclear power of God!" -- Ichabod (Brett)
"Aw, come on, Paul! You used to like me!" -- Ventra (NPC) "I got four elbows!" -- Paul (Doug)